ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
