If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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