I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
