She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
