I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
