at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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