We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
