Grow some girl-balls and come out already
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
