I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
