A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
