im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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