so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
