Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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