what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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