Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
