left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
