On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
