sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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