Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
