u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
