I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
