What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
