Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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