It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
