His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
