I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
