I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
