There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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