My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
