I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
