It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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