So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I don't want my vagina anymore.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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