I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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