Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
