he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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