Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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