my mouth tastes like poor choices
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
