come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
