I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
