shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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