someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
