News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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