Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
