Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
