Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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