I have demons in me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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