Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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