There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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