Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Blood and glitter go together right?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
