I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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