sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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